Saturday, May 24, 2008

MTB Tips

Poppins urges me to my version of handy tips that no MTB can live without. So here goes:

1. Have an elder woman around in the house. Mother, mother-in-law, sister, anyone. It goes a long way in keeping the sanity in the house.

2. Remember these numbers 3 and 6. At 3 days and 6 days, 3 weeks and 6 weeks, 3 months and 6 months, or approx thereabouts your baby will go through a major growth spurt. Which means baby will feed more and longer and will probably sleep more. This phase lasts 2-3 days. Bottle-feeders can just increase the number of bottles but breast feeders remember not to blame yourself if baby seems to demand more. Just keep putting baby to breast - and your supply will increase within 24 hours.

3. A hot shower goes a long way in dealing with rock hard boobies. Especially when the milk comes in - on the third day. Engorged boobies also make it difficult for baby to latch on. Take a hot shower, relieve some pressure manually and then put baby to breast.

4. Most moms and mom-in-laws have to leave after a few months. In the last month - ask her to make additional portions of the food you eat everyday - be it meat or veggies and freeze them in freezer-proof bags (I swear by Glad), put the date so you know the sequence of consumption. After the lovely lady has returned home - you can make just a dal and rice and remove the frozen food one meal at a time. Its a BIG help when you are caring for a lil one with no help.

5. Breast feeding moms remember to drink loads of water - you need additional water to cope with the feeds. Also remember you only need 500 additional calories - not more. This is the time one tends to put on the max weight - in our mindless devotion to ensuring baby gets to eat well.

6. It isint easy sleeping next to a baby. They squirm, yawn, stretch - and generally screw up your sleep - even if they are sleeping. And you really DO need the sleep. In the first part of the night - feed the baby and hand over to hubby, ma, ma-in-law. And go to sleep. Those 3 or 4 hours will be the best sleep you ever have. When the baby awakens for a feed, the baby can be brought to you. You've had your sleep and the night watchman can now get his/hers. Tip courtesy: ma-in-law who did this everyday with sonny and me.

7. If you want to introduce the bottle - wait until the baby is a month old. By then, your feeding/milk coming in would have settled into a pattern. You can start by giving once a week or so - just so that baby gets the hang of the bottle. If you wait until later, the baby would have already made up his/her mind and will reject the bottle.

8. Remember you have 2 ears. One to listen to all the advice you get. And the other to throw it out. As the Marathi saying goes "listen to the world, but do as your heart tells you". Nobody knows your body or your baby better than you.

Good luck!!!


Tuesday, May 20, 2008


I am a big believer in Signs. O well actually not. It just gives me the kicks to interpret things the way its convenient for me ;)

So here are a few of my interpretations:

Sign 1: Sonny knows his shapes
He says "Ma tummy is circle". Sure honey, you got some salt to rub that in with?

Sign 2: We're watching way too much TV
I caught sonny singing "ooo shanti ooo" in the bath last week.

Sign 3: Sonny is developing a taste in pretty women
Today while the "Aakhon mein teri" song from OSO was being played on TV he turned and told me "nice aunty ma".

Sign 4: Looks like we're watching a lot of IPL.
He recognised SRK in the abovementioned song and said "thats Shahrukh Khan".

Sign 5: Looks like Sony/Set Max are getting the Target Audience attention.
Sonny saw a song featuring Salman Khan and told me "Thats Dus Da Dum uncle". Good God, now he even recognises Salman Khan.

Sign 6: Sonny has high self-esteem.
I caught him playing with his blocks. He was asking himself "what color this?" and then replied 'lellow'. Next sentence "good job sonny".

Sign 7: Sonny really has a thing for girls.
Everytime he hears the Vodafone Happy to help song, he runs to the TV and stares non-stop. If we draw attention to him, he is hugely embarrassed and covers his face with his hands.
Same reactions with Paanchvi Pass girl 'Shreya'.

Sign 8: Sonny loves mommy more than daddy.
While we're taking a walk, sonny pulls me onto the sidewalk and says "ma, walk on sidewalk" (no credit for him - we've been drilling this into him for the past 6 months). So hubby says "and what about baba?". Sonny says, "baba walky". So dad you walk where you are - let me just get my mom safe on the sidewalk.

Sign 9: Sonny loves the car the most.
Me: "whats your name?"
Sonny: "sonny"
Me: "Whats your baba's name?"
Sonny: "My car is toyota prado"
He still cant pronounce either my name or hubby's name correctly - but the car's name - he has that mastered.


Monday, May 19, 2008

A Baby's Conversation with God

A baby asked God, 'They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?' God said, 'Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you.'

The child further inquired, 'But tell me, here in heaven I don't have to do anything but sing and smile to be happy.' God said, 'Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you. And you wil l feel your angel's love and be very happy.'

Again the child asked, 'And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me if I don't know the language?' God said, 'Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak.'
'And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?' God said, 'Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray.'

'Who will protect me?' God said, 'Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its life.'

'But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore.' God said, 'Your angel will always talk to you about Me and will teach you the way to come back to Me, even though I will always be next to you.'

At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from Earth could be heard and the child hurriedly asked, 'God, if I am to leave now, please tell me my angel' s name.'

God said, 'You will simply call her, 'Mom.'


I want patience now!!

Scene 1:
I go to pick sonny from school. All morning I have been running around getting dinner ready, re-arranging stuff, making place for Soni's stuff,etc. Sonny runs out excitedly, insisting he wants 'schkooi bus'. We watch the kids load up in the bus, sonny waves to them, bus takes off, we walk home. As we enter the gate, he spots his cycle. Now he wants to ride his cycle. I check the temperature outside. Its 40 C. How can anyone want to ride around in this heat?
I say no. He digs his feet into the ground. I stand my ground. I drag him inside. Sonny doesnt like it - he yells loudly, throws his cap onto the floor, bangs his shoes on the floor, I yell. Sonny resorts to banging the door against the stopper, I drag him further indoors. He spots his cars in the basket, he runs to them, picks them up and throws them with full force on the floor, I pretend to ignore and escape to the kitchen. Now he picks up the phone and throws it on the floor. How can I ignore this? I yell harder, threaten to lock him up in the bathroom. More crying from sonny, more yelling from me. No one's listening to anyone - both mother and son are yelling.
In sheer desperation, I turn on the TV- its Teletubbies time. Peace reigns momentarily.

Scene 2:
Sonny and I are out - its evening playtime. Sonny stops and stares at every passing car. C'mon, I urge him on. No reaction. After much dawdling we reach the playarea. Swing, says sonny. After 30 mins on the swing, I ask him, does he want to play on something else. No, he says, swing. Another, 15-20 mins go by. I take him off the swing. Now he's stuck on the fountain. I wait. It's getting late. We need to get home, have dinner and turn in for the night. Sonny doesnt agree. After much cajoling, warning, threatening - I finally haul him off physically. Sonny is yelling and screaming. I am huffing and puffing with the additional 35 pounds I have to carry on me. Mother and son are really mad at each other.

And some more such scenes at lunch, dinner, sleeptime.
Everyday - day after day - for 3 weeks.

Everyday, I promise myself - tomorrow will be different. I will keep my patience, I will not yell, I will not let tantrums get in the way of mother-son relationship. But everyday - its the same. Sleep begins to elude me, hunger subsides. I throw my own tantrums with hubby, who now has 2 crazy people to deal with. So hubby additionally yells at sonny.

I stay up at night wondering what the hell is going on. What happened to my sweet natured, docile, obedient child? Suddenly whats going wrong? Ok so I do have additional pregnancy pains - breathing is difficult since Soni is pushing hard up against my diaphragm, my back is a mess, acidity is giving me additional heartburn, the list is endless. But I am an adult - and I know ways of dealing with stress. And yet something is going terribly wrong.

Since sleep is anyways elusive, I sit down and make a list of the times or places where sonny throws his tantrums. I realise that coming home from school is a huge tantrum zone. I know he is usually hungry and very tired when he gets home. And yet he wants to ride his cycle around. When I do let him ride his cycle - he moves a few paces, then sits down on the cycle and asks me to push him. I assume he's tired and get him home. Again he throws a tantrum and wants to be out again. Its a no win situation for me.
I figure there are a few things i have to do. Firstly, distract him from the cycle. Secondly, get him inside the cool confines of the home and make sure some food goes down his throat pronto. He is his mother's son and cannot handle hunger (and still he wont eat the snacks i send to school - since he's busy playing). And as quickly as possible get him to nap time.

First things first - I let him come home on the school bus. He's majorly excited and I can maneuver him inside the house. I've kept food ready on the table. I hand him his sippy cup with apple juice - which he drains in one shot. I've broken a few self-made rules - juice before food, and now I break the next rule. We turn on Teletubbies and I feed him while he watches TV. Food in tummy - sonny seems to relax a bit. I'm going to break another rule. Food done - I put him in the bath tub - where he can play for a bit - while I gulp down food. He's nodded off to sleep before I've even finished with the first story.
Good show mommy!! Now I can relax a bit.
Some days I change the sequence - I let him wash his hands on his own (and mess up the bathroom) to distract him from wanting to go outside. Some days I turn on the hose pipe and get him dripping wet outside the house. Big risk with that - I could skid and fall. Some days we read the license plates on cars - getting all alphabets and numbers right is a big turn-on for sonny. And we keep experimenting. Mostly it works - sometimes it doesnt.

There are a few changes I need to still make:
1. Eat before Sonny gets home. Coz once he is home - I just run around like a headless chicken. And I cant get a morsel in until he has fallen asleep.
2. Stop using the word 'jaldi' or fast. I have become a slave of the clock. Sonny 'has to' be in bed by 9, we 'have to' eat at 7. Not really - So sonny is lingering in the bath - ok - so he'll sleep late and wake later. Its preschool for Christ's sake - what does he need to learn quantum physics?
3. Control my temper. The poor child the worst of me - already. I am tired - I yell at him. I'm mad at hubby - I yell at him..... the list is endless.
4. Lots more hugs for sonny. This one we're already working on. I try and make up for my madness by hugs for no reason, lots of cuddles and big sloppy kisses which sonny finds really funny.
5. Kick hubby in the rear. Its obvious sonny is stressing me out - when is the big man planning to step in?
6. Play by the ear. If sonny seems tired - there's no need to go to the park in the evening. We can sit and watch TV (yeah yeah we're doing a lot of that lately)

and so on.

And most of all - I need to keep in mind that sonny's life will soon go through a tizzy when Soni gets here. The more settled, relaxed and smooth I can make this transition phase the better it will work for us.

I've already begun seeing results of the changes I've initiated. Tantrums are down 90%. We still have the occasional flare-up - but what the hell. Hubby has taken over sonny's evening outing - both father and son enjoy driving around in the car.
Peace is finally reigning over the household. Sonny seems happy and I am relaxed. Amen.

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Thursday, May 15, 2008

For M

This one is for M.

M, my dear friend who will soon be married. Well, soon – as in November. And since I’m not sure how or where I will be post June – I decided to write this down now.

M knew for a while now that this was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. But it took a while for things to fall into place, for wheels to be set in motion and for God to put all the pieces into the right places. And she went through many moments of sadness, of utter despair, of questions with no answers, moments when she constantly asked ‘why’ or ’why me’, moments when she decided to put everything behind her and move forward only to be wrenched back. And yet M stood strong. And today when things are going her way, M has her characteristic smile back on her face.

And it is such a pleasure to see M revel in the first flush of love. The way she describes her to-be. Her protectiveness about his kinks. The way she gloats about his achievements. The detail with which she describes some girls checking out ‘my man’ – as she puts in. The giggle with which she relates their first joint purchase. And when I rag her or tease her about buying some kinky stuff – I can almost see her blush.

Which is when it struck me – I’m never going to feel all this again. I’ve been through this – sure, but its gone. Past. Kaput. Finished. I’m never, ever gonna glow in the first blush of love. Never, Ever Again.
When I was last asked to describe hubby, I told the receptionist – look out for a short, stout guy. She later told me – you forgot to mention his cute smile. Guess I did.
My sis-in-law or mom-in-law has to just begin to complain about hubby, and I will gleefully add onto the list of kinks he has. And will accept full sympathy from anyone who wishes to commiserate with me.
When hubby begins to tell me for the nth time how he struggled to get where he is today – all I do is roll my eyes.
When I find some waitress flirting with hubby, I just shrug my shoulders and shake my head and move on.
And I don’t really remember the first thing we purchased together. Or our first fight (Good God – there have been so many – how can a human remember them?). Ok , I do remember the first time we met or the first time he took me out.
And kinky stuff? Who would want to see this beached whale in anything kinky???? And which whale buys kinky stuff for herself?

You see my point? I’m beyond all this. Love has happened and happened long ago. I’m never going to be a giggly newly-wed again. I’m never going to wonder – what the first kiss will be like? The bedroom has long since been associated purely with sleep and sleep alone. And there is a gate-crasher who sleeps between us. We rarely buy things on the impulse. Everything is a well thought of decision. When my eyes seek him out across a crowded room – its merely to gesture ‘could you handle this kid of yours? He’s driving me nuts.’ Its been 3 years since we’ve gone out – just by ourselves. And even when we do – we end up talking about sonny. No more do we have huge fights. Mostly because we don’t wanna scare sonny. So there is no major making up happening.
And this pregnancy – its all been there, done that.

Of course I’m with the man I love. I’ve borne him 2 kids. But life somehow has changed lanes and I’m never gonna get onto that highway again. I’m driving in a service road that says 40kmph and I am looking at all those snazzy cars racing away at 100kmph. And I’m thinking – I used to be that Porsche once. How did I become this Toyota??

And I realize – I have worked towards getting to be this Toyota. It has taken months, weeks, years to getting to this place where life is stable. Where I don’t need to wonder – what hubby’ll think about something. I already know the answer. I know what he will like and what he is bound to dislike. After a point of time, our likes and dislikes have merged – so its easy making the choice. Where the thrill has been replaced by a sense of knowledge. Where the throb is now called a pulse. Where mere physical intimacy alone is not the thing that binds us together. We have a lot lot more that holds us together. Where he just has to say ‘hey you remember when…..’ and he need not complete the sentence, I know what incident he’s referring to. Where love is not the rush I feel when I see him or think about him, it’s the constant hum that stays with me. Where wonder is replaced by knowledge.

And so my dear M – I am putting down my twinge of envy to pregnancy hormones (see I don’t have monthly periods – so preggie hormones are the next best bet to put blame on). And I am hoping and praying that you and AB too – someday will get onto this service road and chug along at 40kmph.

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Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Close your eyes

Why Do we Close our Eyes?

When we pray
When we kiss someone
When we cry
When we desperately try to remember something/someone

Is it because the best things in life are unseen and best left to the mind to imagine?

P.S.: Is it me or is this the effect of pregnancy hormones???


Friday, May 09, 2008

Sonny School Developments - Month 1

I just read this somewhere
Pre-school - A place where son plays and father pays.

Very funny, I thought. What do these people know about the gut churning decision school selection is?

After sonny's not so smooth first week at school - we were lucky to have 2 weeks of spring break. I was most relieved to get a break from all the tension.
2 weeks of spring break sped by really fast. Toilet training on an adult pot, waxing eloquent about his teacher and all the babies at school took most of our time.

April 5 was the day school was to re-open.
April 5, 3.30am: Sonny sits up wide awake. Schkooi(school), he says. Not yet, we tell him and try to pat him back to sleep.No luck. He sits awake, plays on our heads, jumps and generally gets yelled at a lot. Finally at 6.30 am he falls asleep again. Now how the hell are we supposed to get him ready for school at 8am? We dont want to wake him up and have a cranky sonny go to school. 8.15am sonny sits up in his bed and starts crying. We grab this opportunity and get him out of bed.

9.15am - Sonny is ready for school. We drop him off. As the teacher takes him into the class, he bursts out crying again. Once again, we turn around and leave the school. Hubby leaves for work, while I take my vigil next to the phone.
10.30 am - No call yet from the school. So I call school. Turns out sonny cried for a few seconds. I tell his teacher about sonny's nightly adventure - she assures me he's showing no signs of fatigue or crankiness. When I pick up sonny a couple of hours later - he runs out happy - and yet so tired.

Day 2, 3, 4 run along fairly uneventfully.I am beginning to enjoy these few hours of silence at home. I can cook, clean and generally get Soni's stuff in order.

Day 5: I am waiting to speak to sonny's teacher. I want to know how sonny's first full week at school has been. The doors open, sonny runs out. I bend to take his bag from him, he dumps his bag on me and....... runs away from me. Into the play area!! As I stare, open mouthed, Z, a fellow-mom, pats me on the back, with a "yes, darling, they can be pretty heartless that way".

Sonny's teacher tells me - he's taking his time but adjusting well. He doesnt speak much, but can understand all instructions. There are no more tears, either when we drop him off or otherwise.

The next week sonny tells me - he wants to come home on the school bus. I may not be ready to cut the umbilical cord just yet, but sonny sure is ready to jump into newer experiences. It also means, I am not required to go to school to pick him up - the bus will drop him just outside the home. Hmmm, maybe, just maybe, the green eyed monster peeped out. Sonny had his wish - he comes home on the school bus these days.

The next week, as I put sonny to bed, he tells me, "Kal schkooi. Miss L wait" (Its school tomorrow - Miss L(his teacher) will be waiting for me). I swallow hard. Yes honey, your teacher is waiting for you.

His teacher keeps informing me of his progress. He now joins the class in circle time, dancing, singing. He has friends in class. He just about bites into into his snack box. He's come a long way - from looking around the class,dazed, to parroting questions after his teaching, to understanding and replying correctly as she ran him through numbers, colors, shapes, flags.

Every night as I put him to bed and we finish our routine of stories, he tells me "Tomorrow schkooi. Miss L wait. Good mornin Miss L". And that just about tells me - what I want to hear.

Sure, there still are unresolved issues. He wont use the school bathroom. He just has a bottle of milk before he leaves for school - no breakfast. He eats about 10-12 grapes at school. Thats it. He's bone tired when he gets home.

And yet, the smile on his face, when he jumps off the bus each day - tells me - maybe just maybe - we may have made a good decision by sending him to school.


Monday, May 05, 2008

Its Official - She's a Prude

I am a prude (no its true - C, M please let these guys know).

Hubby is a prude - ask his sisters. He's managed to ruin many an occassion for them, asking them to 'cover up'.

Sonny is a prude. Every time he sees my T-shirt go up - and its so easy these days - he runs up to me and says - Ma Tummy Bandh (Cover your tummy ma).

And now lil Soni joins the franchise.

At 17.5 weeks,we decided to get a peek-in to figure out what colors we needed to start buying. After begging and pleading with the doc (since we were in India), she smiled and said, "even if I wanted to tell you the sex, I couldnt. The baby was crouched really low in your abdomen". Oh hell!!

At 23 weeks, after we reached Riyadh, we scheduled an appointment for an ultrasound. The technician, managed to show us the heart, brain, stomach, intestines, virtually everything - except the sex of the baby. Why? Coz the baby was head up, crouched in a sitting-in-chair position. After some external pushing and prodding, she crosses her legs at the knees and proceeds to tap her legs to some music in her head. "Now its really not possible", the technician says, "she's crossed her legs". WTF!!! What does this child think of himself/herself?? C'mon kid let us have a look.

"Dont worry", says my gynec, "we'll have another look-in in the 3rd trimester".

Week 28 - we schedule another appointment. This time, the baby is head down. And we finally get to know - that its a girl. "Can we have a look at her face?" hubby queries. And what do you know - she covers her face with her hands.

Good god!! Either this child is a prude. Or a huge tease!!


Friday, May 02, 2008

2005 - A Birth Story

I have been meaning to do a post on Sonny's birth for a while now. But somehow, it didnt happen. And so I thought before Soni (thats what I've decided to call baby 2 on this blog) arrives and by some sheer weird-ity, I manage to get both births mixed up(yeah like thats gonna happen) I must put it down.

So rewind to 2005 June.

Sonny is scheduled to arrive on June 25.

June 1, my gynec tells me - your cervix has begun to dilate - a bit now. What??? Isint it meant to dilate a few days before the birth? Well, he says each pregnancy is different. Maybe your body wants to take its own sweet time at this stage. O dear!! I'm shitting bricks.

June 2 - parents in law arrive. Ma in law takes one look at me and says - o dear you are weeks away. Your baby is still up. It has to move down a lot more before you can deliver. She's had 3 kids of her own, seen countless other pregnancies and delivered 5 grand-children, if she says its weeks away, who am I to argue.

June 7 - Is that my imagination or did I just see a blood stained mucus-y thingy flush away?

June 9 - We're watching a police car chase a run-away car in the US (reality TV doesnt get better than this) when I feel a funny crampy sensation. Its 10 in the night, I mention it to my ma-in-law. We conclude it must be Braxton Hicks. And everyone turns in for the night.

But its not. They are the begining of contractions. I start timing them. At first they are coming 15 mins apart, for 5 sec. As the night progresses, they get stronger. By 7am the next day they are coming at 10 mins apart, for 25 secs each.

June 10 - We call the hospital in the morning. The nurse on duty asks me if this is my first baby. Yes, I confirm. O then it'll take a while.Stay home. Dont come in till its 5 mins apart, 45 secs each, she says.

A slight digression here. Canada has public health care for all.So there is no concept of private health care. So everyone uses the same system. As you can imagine - the system is fairly over-loaded, as are the nurses and doctors. As much as possible, they advise you to stay at home and not clog the system. A lady who delivered a few months before me - reached the hospital much earlier and was asked to wait till she was sufficiently dilated to be admitted. I remembered that instance vividly and decided to take the nurse's advice.

By 3pm - the contractions are coming stronger. Now they are about 7 mins apart coming in for 35 sec. I call hubby (who has merrily left for work) and ask him to come back and take me to the hospital.

By 4pm I decide the contractions have touched the 5 min barrier and are coming for 40 sec each. Time to head to the hospital. Hubby and I take off for the hospital.

Hubby decides to go park his precious Passat in the parking lot (instead of leaving it in the Emergency Parking Only area) while I would go and check myself in. I remember getting a contraction as I waited for the lift and I put my head against the wall and winced through it.

The nurses at the station lazily look up as I approach them. I tell them, I am in labor. How long, they ask? I tell them 45 sec now - every 5 mins. Suddenly, the station bursts into activity. They take my Health Card, Hospital Card, someone tags me. I am taken into a delivery room, weighed, checked and asked to wait for the doctor. Hubby rushes in a few mins later. And we wait for the doc on call(didnt I tell you the system was overloaded).

Doc arrives a good 45 mins later. By this time I have gone through many contractions. She conducts an internal exam. Good, she says, you are 7 cm dilated.
7cm? All by myself? At home? yahoo!!! I'm a lil proud of myself now.
She has a bored expression on her face. Do you need an epidural, she asks. Oh yes, please, I say. Ok, we'll let the anesthesian know, she says and walks away.

The anesthesian comes an hour later. In the meanwhile the nurses take a detailed history. When did the contractions start, bloody show, the works. The nurses look at each other when I begin telling them. So I ask, is there an issue? Oh no - they say, your symptoms you describe - are all text-bookish, almost like we're reading our manual. O thats good to know, we're going by the book.

The anesthesian jokes and chats with me as he does his job. Everyone seems happy-clappy and once the drug starts working in, I'm happy clappy too.

9.20pm - The doc checks on me again. 9 cm dilated she tells me. We're going to artificially break your waters, she informs me. Like I'm going to object - go ahead lady - do your job. I dont feel a thing. Am I going to deliver before the bewitching hour, I ask her? I dont know - she says, lets see. Weird this doctor. So stand-offish. Where the hell is my regular doc?

The night stretches on endlessly. Hubby tries to get comfortable in the arm-chair they hospital has thoughtfully provided. I must be the first woman in recorded history, who actually falls asleep after having been 9 cm dilated with her waters broken. But no sign of baby arriving. All through the night the nurses check on me, fetal heartbeat. No signs for worry - and no sign of Sonny either. I've technically been in labor for over 28 hours now.

June 11, 5.30am. The nurses inform me - they are cutting back on the epidural. WTF??? Now that its just a couple of cms away and I have to push they are cutting back on my drugs? C'mom sweetie the nurse on duty tells me - my shift ends at 6.30 - let me see your baby before I leave. Slowly, i begin to feel the contractions, the pain. I push when they ask me to. But I just cant take the pain. No position gives me comfort. My back hurts like hell - partly due to the epidural in the spine, mostly due to the contractions. I want to stand up - the drug still has its effect on my legs(and not in the region where its meant to work). WTF!! WTF!!WTF!!

Oh man, the pain was unbearable. 6.30 comes and goes. So does the nurse. New nurse on duty. In the mirror on the ceiling, I can see my first glimpse of sonny's head. Its a head full of black hair. Nurse takes my hand down to touch Sonny's head. All I feel is something slimy and I pull my hand back.

The room is abuzz with activity. The senior doc on call comes and checks in regularly. How're u doing he asks me. What do you think, I want to yell? I'm walking on air? Oh God - I tell him, I cant take this pain. Cant take the pain, wanna get out of it fast, push harder, he tells me. I lunge wildly to get my hands on some instrument - so I can stab him. No that was my imagination - I just stare hard at him and yell real hard.

What happened after this - is pain tinged so I cant vouch for its accuracy. I remember a slicing kinda feeling and with a gush Sonny comes out. I think I heard a wail. Blood and gore all over. They put him on my bare tummy. I put my hand out to touch him. Yikes - more slime. I pull back. I feel hands inside me, the nurse pushes my tummy from outside. My baby is out, why do I feel the contractions now - i yell. You feel contractions, the senior doc tells me, good, keep pushing. Seriously, where is that knife? This man needs to die, right now.

They hand hubby the scissor. C'mon daddy the nurse tells him, cut the cord. No, No hubby shrinks back. C'mon dad, they urge him on, its your privilege. I turn to look at hubby, he has tears in his eyes. He cuts half the cord at first try. On the second try he cuts it clean. They whisk sonny off. He is weighed and who knows what they are doing. I dont know. I dont care. I've pushed for 3 hours - where the hell are the painkillers.

I'm stitched up. Sonny is wrapped and put in the warm bassinet. Suddenly the room is all quiet. Oh God, I hear hubby mutter. We dont have batteries in the camera. I'll go get some. Just for the records, he clicks some pics on his mobile and rushes off to make all the calls. Sonny and I lie quietly. I take a sneak peek at sonny. Big eyes, huge eye lashes and he's quickly taking in the place - eyes are flashing all over. He manages to wrestle his hand out. He's pink all over - blue tinged finger nails.

About an hour later, they move us out to our room.

And so thats how sonny arrived. Not much drama - except the one created in my head.
And now that its time foe Soni to arrive,I am beginning to dread going through this entire rigmarole again. Am I weird to dread it, second time round?