Guilty as charged!

For as far back as I can remember – guilt has been an integral part of my up-bringing. Whether it was “If you’re a good girl – you will share toys with your brother” or “when has our happiness mattered to you”, I’ve been there and seen it all.

In the beginning, it was fairly mild. About small little things. The ubiquitous “after all we’re doing this for your benefit” invariably got attached to most sentences my mother uttered. But as time passed, I guess we got wise to my mother’s words. Or maybe I got tough skinned enough to resist it.

That’s when I think she took up by a notch. Now “all our life we’ve done things for you – now when we’re asking you to do something for us – you won’t oblige us” that’s what I got told when I refused to doll up for some “girl-seeing party”.

After I got married – I thought the guilt trips would end. But I didn’t count on motherhood. Didn’t expect it to hit me with such a huge whammy. As a stay-at-home mom, the guilt of not doing enough to secure your child’s future was an all-time companion.

What I also didn’t expect was for random strangers to fill in my mother’s shoes. We were dining at a restaurant – when the waitress came by and offered us some meatballs. Since I don’t want sonny to eat red meat – I declined. She insisted that kids were enjoying it. I demurred again. “O its really soft – he will be able to eat it”. This time I was firm – and said I didn’t want to give it to sonny. So she pats sonny’s head and says “O you poor child – your mommy doesn’t feed you well” What???!!

That and many more such guilt trips have ensured that I don’t miss my ma being near me.

O yes, this entire recollection was brought on because of sonny. Yesterday he wasn’t touching his veggies. So I told him “Sonny, if you love your ma, you’re gonna finish those veggies.”


O la la…the cycle begins again! And this time – I’m the driver!