Is it me?

I would call myself a rational person. I am not easily given in to tears, in public. I can remember sobbing out only in a couple of movies. I have spent 6 years in advertising and have known how not to crack under pressure. I have seen my share of bad clients (and good ones too – thank God). Public display of emotion was a rare occurrence.

However, I have noticed over the past few months, any child or mother-child incident makes me dissolve very easily into tears.

Let me quote a few examples. Hubby, sonny and I were shopping at JC Penny. In the section ahead, we heard a mother calling out to her son. Turned out the child had wandered off while the mother was busy shopping. And now he was not to be found. Suddenly another lady appeared, described a child and asked the mother if it matched her child’s description. The mother, almost close to tears, nodded. The lady now directed her towards a cash counter where she had last seen the child. The mother raced towards the said spot and found her son howling away. Maa-beta milaap (mother-son union) happened – and all on-lookers were pleased to see such a happy end.

Not me. While the mother and son hugged and sobbed – I just couldn’t control my tears. Right there in front of so many shoppers – I sat down and sobbed. Hubby tried his level best – to tell me – “your son is safe and sound, right here with you” made no difference. Even “fine, go buy what you please, money is of no object” couldn’t stop the tears. For the next 5 mins – I sobbed like my own had gone missing. After 5 mins the storm had passed, I turned to hubby and said “is my eye-liner smudged?”

I know, it sounds funny now. But then, I don’t know – what happened – I just couldn’t stop crying.

And that’s not the only instance. I was watching “Saa Re Ga Ma Pa” on Zee TV – the “Lil Champs” version. The first few episodes were devoted to showing the initial eliminations. Kids who hadn’t made it through – were coming out and crying. And there I was – tears streaming down my face, sobbing away. I must’ve been quite a sight – for my son came running and decided to hug me. These were unknown, random kids, crying coz they couldn’t make it to some competition. Why the hell was I crying???

And its not just that. Any movie, any serial, any news report – where they show a child in pain – or a mother-child making brave efforts to survive is difficult for me to watch. I squirm in my seat – or move away – not wanting to watch.

The final straw came today. In one of serials that I follow – the protagonist Vedika dies of a heart attack. She has a toddler and wants to see her son one last time before she breathes her last. And I just couldn’t stop the lump in my throat or the tears pricking my eyes. What the hell, I thought, is wrong with me? It’s a silly serial.

Seriously, what is wrong with me? Am I so heavily charged with “mommy hormones” that I have to let loose “ganga-jamuna” at every random child incident. Am I becoming my mom (o she cries at movies – and in real life – pretty easily)? Is it a that-time-of-the month-incident-pattern? Or is it just years of holding back emotions – now they’re coming toppling out? I mean I can understand crying when your child is hurt or is crying. But some completely unknown child? Or worse – a make-believe serial?

I know for a fact that since I’ve had my son – I have given a serious thought to – what will happen if I die? Who will take care of my son? And the only regret I can think of – is not being able to see my son grow up – go to school – have his first crush…… the works. It has made me more aware of my mortality. More serious about the decisions I make. More careful about the things I do – even lame ones like crossing the street.

But become more teary…this one I didn’t anticipate.

Has this happened with the other moms too? Has motherhood made us more vulnerable? Or just, more given to emotions? Is it a phase – just the ways kids have ‘stranger anxiety’? Or is it like my hubby puts it “such a good hubby – takes so much care of you – you have no reason to cry otherwise – so your mind is hunting for reasons to cry”. Is it a mark of motherhood?

Does it happen to others? Or is it just me?